A life changing experience...

I just wanted to stop by and write a little about what has happened in the last 12 months. After loosing Sprout we took a lenghty break until November 2012 before doing another cycle of IVF. We were so blessed to find out we were expecting and went about preparing for our little person in our lives. The pregnancy started with a lot of concern as I bled quite heavily but as time went on things seemed to be settling down and we passed each ultra sound with flying colours. Unfortuenately just before 21 weeks I was admitted to hospital with my cervix dilated prematurely to 5cm. I spent 2 and a half weeks on bed rest, but in the end there was nothing that could be done to stop my labour, and our Son Hugo Michael Foote came into this world on the 01.04.2013 at 9:35pm. He breathed and moved.... he lived- the most incredible 2 hours and 25 mins of my life, until he flew with the angels. To say the last 6 weeks has been difficult is to say the least. A heartbreaking and terrifying time that came with risk to my own health, and defnitley the mental health of my Husband and I. We have set up a new blog in memory of little Hugo and hope his life will have a ripple effect on others. We aim to focus our attention on helping other families who experience this devastating loss.

If you would like to visit our blog the address is www.hugoeffect.blogspot.com

Tash x

And so it begins.... again..

Source: Uploaded by user via Dani on Pinterest

Just a quick post to let you know that we have taken the first step to getting back on the Fertility Treatment Train, after much time trying to heal, I finally brought myself to make an appointment with my Fertility Specialist to start planning our next cycle. Embryo Transfer will most likely go ahead in September.

Having to remain hopefull!
Tash

Time heals..

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick update to let you guys know that we have been going okay. We have been taking a break from the whole fertility treatment world. We are moving in a couple of months and once we are settled in we will take on the challenge of another Embryo Transfer. We have our four frost babies waiting for us.

Still clinging to hope. Some days are more positive than others.

I have started a new blog about organising the home and diy projects, event planning etc. If you get a chance take a look. http://www.featherdusting.blogspot.com/

Tash

Not ready to let go yet...

Destination Unknown

Life is so hard sometimes!

You know the hardest reality I have had to face, as a woman with infertility, is the very real chance that I will grow old and never see my own children play, learn, grow. To face the possibility that I will go to my grave without leaving a future generation. That my family tree will stop at me. That I will never be called Mummy. These things are by far the hardest things to fear and comprehend.

They say every step you take is one step closer, but what if you don't know which turn to take or where to stop- destination unknown.

Hope is something we all can normally muster. Though there comes a point when hope runs out.

So not only am I heading on a journey to this unknown place but now I've also run out of fuel. Some may call this reaching a crossroad or maybe it's more like driving into a wall. I know one thing, it's going to take every part of me to put on my running shoes and find a spot to refuel and find some guidance.

Today I lost something beyond comprehension. It took some of me with it and I will never be the same.

Reality is hard to deal with when you no longer can find an illusion or a dream to hide between.

Me

IVF ICSI UPDATE

Hi Everyone,

So just a quick update on this cycle. I had my Embryo Transfer on Tuesday and all went well. Still in a small amount of pain and some nausea, but overall feel like I'm on the mend. In the end four embryos made it to the stage where they could be frozen. We are really happy with these results.

I won't be updating to much from now on, and we understand people's curiosity and care, but we would ask that people don't ask us the results of this transfer. We will be very happy to share with everyone, but it is very difficult for us to celebrate early on and if it is unsuccessful we will need our space. Thank you for your understanding.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for the messages of support we have received. We truly are grateful.

Positive Thoughts!
Tash

Day 12- IVF ICSI 2

Hi There,

Just a quick update to let you know we have had good news.
From the 10 Eggs we have 8 Embryos. 1 egg was immature and one Embryo succumbed already.
I will be bugging the lab tomorrow and Sunday although the nurse wasn't sure if they would take calls over the weekend otherwise I'll speak to them Monday. Embryo Transfer is booked for 7:30am on Tuesday.
Still feeling a little under the weather but hoping my body resumes normal functions soon.

Tash

Day 11-IVF ICSI 2 Egg Pick Up

Hi Guys,

Just a quick update to let you know the Egg Pick Up went well and my Fertility Specialist was able to retrieve 10 eggs. He told me before surgery to expect that only 30% of these eggs to be mature due to my PCOS. I recovered well with no anxiety/agitation issues this time with the anesthetic. The poor Anesthetist had a hard time getting a vain for the Canula, but I was very lucky to have my doctor with me the whole time offering support. I am on a high protein and liquid diet to try eliminate any Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome symptoms. I have not managed to pass much and do feel quite bloated but it's very early days. Tomorrow at 7:30AM the nurses will call me to check on me and at 11:00AM we will get our Fertilisation Report from our Doctor to let us know how many Embryo Babies we have.

Would apprciate your prayers and support as we enter the last part of this cycle. I am trying to not over think everything at the moment and this is being made easier because I'm drowsy and have slept most of the day.

This picture was taken this afternoon with our Feather Baby Desmond who couldn't wait to have snuggles when I was in bed and did a Hudini style trip to find me in my room. Sweet thing.

Tash

Day 10- IVF ICSI 2

Hi Everyone,

So my blood work came back fine on Monday and we will still be going ahead with the egg retrieval tomorrow morning. I had my ovulation trigger injection last night and we are set to go to the hospital at 7:00 am tomorrow morning. I'm in a considerable amount of pain at the moment and struggling to get around and have absolutely no energy to get anything done (which if you know me, it is killing me). Please say a prayer for us. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life. The emotional repocustions as well as the physical pain and the feeling of physical invasion are too hard to describe. I feel like my body is a science experiment.

There is so much doubt running through my head... What if I ovulate to soon, what if they can't harvest any eggs, what if the eggs aren't mature, what if they don't fertilize, what if I am sick and we can't put an embryo back, will I recover well, when will I feel up to taking on life again ???????????

I have an amazing Doctor, who throughout everything makes me laugh (he is a funny man). I have faith in him, I trust him and know that he has our best interests in mind. Sometimes I hate the things he tells us, and sometimes its hard to not portray my grumpiness towards him but I try to put a smile on my face and keep on keeping on.
In hindsight though I feel sorry for him having to deal with me and obsessive compulsive control freak. Pray for our Doctor.

This journey has been going for 3 years and 6 months. I wish I had a crystal ball so I could know when it would end.

This journey has changed me- I will need time to find myself again when we are done.

Today I am broken.

Tash

Day 8- IVF ICSI 2

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick update with some exciting news.
I saw my Fertility Specialist this morning and he is happy with the way things are looking but if we inject to much longer he is sure that we will end up with too many follicles (which would make me sick) so he is going to due the Egg Pick Up this Thursday much earlier than anticipated. I am waiting on the results from my blood test this morning to make sure that we are right to go on Thursday.

Let's hope this is the beginning to the end.

Staying positive.
Tash

Day 5- IVF ICSI 2

Hi Everyone,

Doctor said things are looking okay on day 5 scan today. Will check again Monday. Hoping for more than the three follicles that are there at the moment.

Had some trouble with getting blood today so have had to stay in city and they just managed to get some. Will stay the rest of the day down here and travel with Mike home. Not up for a train ride home.

Talk Soon
Tash

Day 1 & 2- IVF ICSI 2

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick update on where we are at with our next IVF cycle.
Last cycle I had to take twice the dose of a drug called Primalut to stop me breakthrough bleeding, so this time my Fertility Specialist thought it would be better to time this cycle with the pill. I spotted for nearly two weeks on the active pill. I stopped the active pill and we have now started the cycle. I don't have faith in my body at all. I'm so scared we wont get to Egg Pick Up again this time. Overall I'm just down about it. To make it worse if I do get to EPU my Doctor will most likely be away and I'll have another Fertility Specialist do the pick up. Mike is so busy with work at the moment. I'll be doing most appointments alone, and for some reason this daunts me. He is the only person who can normalize the situation for me.
My Doctor will scan me on Friday, which will be the fifth day of injecting and hopefully we will see something positive and be able to continue.

Love
Tash

Not this time....

Hi There,

I'm just popping on to let you all know that the IUI was unsuccessful. I started spotting 11 days past predicted ovulation, had two feint positive pregnancy tests at 12 days (but I dont trust the brand) and finally my cycle started in full swing on New Years Day.

We are crushed, but after settling ourselves down and discussing we are hoping to start the process over beginning to mid February.

Will keep writing as we go along.

Happy New Year!

Tash. Xo

Day 20- IUI

Hi Guys,

We have had the insemination and now the waiting game begins. We find out on the third of January whether it was succesfull or not.

Here goes hoping.

Tash x

Day 18- NOW IUI

Hi All,

Just a quick update. We saw the fertility specialist on Thursday and unfortuenately there was no improvement. Just the one follicle that he could see. We have been transferred to an Inter-Uterine Insemination (IUI) cycle. The procedure is booked in for Monday at 9:30am. I did my last injection tonight at 9:30pm which was the ovulation "trigger" injection.

Love & Peace,
Tash xo

Day 14- IVF ICSI

Hi There,

We just saw the Fertility Specialist and at this stage we are able to continue FSH until Thursday. On Thursday the decision will be made as to whether we will do IVF (Egg Pick Up if there are enough follicles) or just Inter Uterine Insemination. Either way we have a chance of getting pregnant. IVF is just a much better chance for us approximately 40% VS 3% due to the Male Infertility Factor. The IVF costs a lot more and at this stage to go ahead would be relying on just the one follicle that is there at the moment. It's not the best news but at least we have a plan b now.

Still remaining positive!

Tash

Day 13- IVF ICSI

Hi All,

Just a quick update.
We saw our Fertility Specialist on Saturday and he put my dose of stimulator up to 175iu. I see him tomorrow morning and the decision will then be made as to whether we continue to Egg Pick Up or not. There was very little change to the size of the follicles on Saturday.

Tash :)

Day 8- IVF ICSI

Hi All,

Just saw my Fertility Specialist. Things aren't looking great. I have one leading follicle and no others that are anywhere near the threshold for pick up. He has put up my dose to 150iu and we will see him Saturday. It is very unlikely that we will go to Egg Pick Up on Monday. Praying that this extra dose helps bring some other follicles up. We need three to four more for the IVF to proceed sometime next week.

Trying to remain positive.

Tash

Day 6- IVF ICSI

Hi

Just left the doctors. Had a scan and there are follicles but none are showing alot of growth at the moment. This afternoon I will ring for the results of my blood test and we will see if we will up the dosage of FSH. Hoping for something a little more positive on Wednesday. The doctor has given me a prescription for anti histamean for the allergic reaction to the the blocker injections.

The doctor is going to get a second opinion on my Prolactin levels, at this stage no action is required.

Still remaining positive!

Tash :)

Results from phone conversation- Dose put up to 112.5iu.

Day 5- IVF ICSI

Hi There,

Just giving an update. FSH Gonal F injections are going well. Tonight at 9pm I did my first blocker injection which is called Orgalutran. Didn't have a good time with this one as the needle was blunt. Took five goes to get it in. It has left me with a big red welt and very itchy at the site of the injection. Hope this is temporary and not a bad side effect. I will mention it tomorrow morning to the Fertility Specialist when I see him. Hoping for good news in relation to my levels and hopefully the go ahead to continue the FSH to egg pick up.

I will put an update on here when we know what's happening.

Positive thinking!

Tash xo